And The Cherubim Rejoiced

 The Seraphim were leading their asses to the river to drink, tossing flower petals before them to signify victory; and bread crumbs behind them, so they could find their way back. But Lo, the brightly shining Angels didn't realize that come October, their asses would be handed to them by the Yankees.

Pat Robertson Vs. The Loas

  It was a fine Sunday afternoon for preaching. Pat had a lovely little sermon prepared, about fire, and damnation, and the evil of the liberal elite. And maybe, he thought, he'd throw a little more about those devil worshippers in Haiti, causing their earthquakes. Obviously, those backward primatives didn't know they had sold their souls, oh so long ago.
  As Pat's limousine drove him to the Megachurch, he found that he did not recognize the route they were taking. And then, in a rural crossroads he had never seen before, the driver stopped. Pat began to snarl indignantly at the driver, he was going to be late ! But the driver turned back towards him, and it was no man he knew. Something about the man tickled at the back of his consciousness, and he felt strange... like that time in college when...
  The driver smiled through his rangy beard, his face so black he seemed to radiate night, except for that smile. It beamed moonlight and joy, and maybe some mischief too. "Hello, Pat. I am Papa Legba." "Who ? What the...! I demand-" Pat began, but Papa Legba cut him off gently, "I am sent by the Orishas to ask if you will renounce your stupidity, and make ammends to those you have offended by naming them Devil worshippers."
   "What, the Haitians ? No way, that's Fact !"
  "Pat, Pat, please, the Loas are a tad miffed with you. Perhaps you could reconsider."
 "No, you damned Devil ! I will not ! You are Hellspawn !"
    "No, Pat, no I am not. I am a way people use to commune with the same God you pretend to. And now you have one last chance, before I leave you alone with the Loas..."

  Pat Never made it to Church that day... But if you listen carefully, as you pass through a crossroads, you might still hear him saying nasty things about people he really doesn't know, and blaming them in all matters of things for which no one is culpable.

  Non Requiem aeternam dona eis (Pat Robertson), Domine

The Hero's Journey

 Once upon some time, there lived a young boy, deprived of at least one parent, who lived a randomly selected disadvantaged life. He was very talented and attractive, and never felt like he fit in with those  around him. One day, a tragedy befalls him, perhaps depriving him of his other parent, or favorite aunt. Or his village is sacked, or the Rebellion is seriously threatened. And at this time, he is visited by an old wise male mystic sorcerer, who either informs him of his world changing destiny, or behaves very mysteriously, but insistently leads the young man to understand his world changing destiny.
 The old wise male mystic sorcerer and the young hero-to-be set out on an astonishing adventure during which time the young man discovers he is the most powerful magical demigodlike prince of really powerful stuff, inherited from his equally powerful father or mother. He kills a bewildering array of things that would kill anyone else, saves all of his friends repeatedly, finds the ring, rescues the princess, overcomes nearly impossible adversity, wins over a cold hearted in-law, topples the greedy religious institution, and destroys the ring.
  In the end, the Hero winds up not being a whiny little punk like he appears in the first couple of episodes, and he gets the girl, receives a medal, or the keys to the kingdom, and everyone chanting his name in an uplifting epic courtyard scene. 

Baba Yaga's Hut

 Petrush wandered through the forest, seeking mushrooms to liven his mother's stew. He had gone out early, but was distracted at a pond by all of the tadpoles, and the birds that swooped down to gobble them up. So long did he tarry, in fact, that he found the light dimming, and realized it was time to go home. He became disoriented in the dimness and walked past what he was sure was the same tree three times. He began to despair of ever getting home, and his rumbling stomach told him it was passing dinner time. Little Petrushka, he thought to himself, you have done it now. But at least he had some mushrooms to eat, and so selected the biggest one for a snack.
 After another half hour of wandering, he began to feel strange, like maybe it wasn't getting darker, and maybe there were strange musical sounds in his ears. And as he pondered these odd things, he came upon a hut, and on the front stoop sat an old, gnarled woman, her matted mass of gray dredlocks looking for all the world like a worn out pile of snakes. She saw him come out of the woods and said "You God damned kids Stay Off My Lawn ! Can't an old lady get some peace and quiet ?!?" But when she saw how young and lost and huge pupiled Petrush was, she softened a bit, putting down her shotgun, and coming to greet him. "Oh, I'm sorry, boy, but did you eat one of those big mushrooms that you're carrying there ?" He nodded, watching her face elongate and twist into itself and look very clay-like. He giggled. "Ooh, they sure look good. Give one to Baba, and I'll take you home." Petrush could barely form the word 'here.' but gave her a mushroom. Baba did a little jig, holding it up like a prized jewel, and said "thanks boy. now let's get you..." But Petrush only heard "luudluudluudluuuuuuudluuuuuuuu..." and he began to laugh, and as his laughter left streaks in the air he laughed harder, and the harder he laughed the stronger the imprints they left on the world, which was endlessly fascinating. He watched as Baba moved and trails swirled in her wake, and the music of the spheres babbled insistently in the back of his mind.

  So when her house stood up on chicken legs, and she invited him aboard, he wasn't the least bit fazed. In fact, it seemed somehow more real than some of the other things that were happening. The Hut walked through the wood to the river, which it couldn't cross, so they flew the rest of the way back in Baba's giant mortar, which she seemed to row with the giant matching pestle. And while this was all great fun, Petrush was totally fixated on the rippling auras surrounding his hands, which he kept shaking as if to shed water from them to keep the lights flashing.
  When they reached little Petrushka's house, Baba realized he was tripping way too hard to return to his Mother; so she took him back to the hut until he came down a bit.
  So they watched 'Yellow Submarine' and 'The Waking Life' and 'Adventures of Mark Twain in Claymation', while making beaded jewelry and smoking Baba's pipe until the sun came up.
 Petrush exclaimed "I am going to be so grounded for this", but Baba said, "Don't worry little dude, I will return you in my mortar and pestle, and they will think I kidnapped you. It's what happens with all the kids who come to visit me."